Are you emotionally independent from the things that happen around you? Who has the remote control to your life? Your boss, your parents, that person in traffic?
It's so easy to blame others for the way we feel but the reality is that only we are responsible for how we feel. It can be a hard pill to swallow but it's also a liberating one.
Taking responsibility for your feelings is an act of self love and self respect according to Shivani Verma, an admired spiritual teacher from India. Shivani talks about how we are inclined to share our wisdom with friends or family that may be suffering, but we don't take our own advice.
Shivani says, to others we say, "Don't take it personally or it's not about you," and to ourselves we say, "How can I not take it personally or of course it was about me." So we have a very different conversation with other people than the conversation we have with ourselves. We want others to feel happy and not be in pain but for ourselves we can tend to live in a victim mindset where we believe that we have the right to be in pain when someone says or does something we don't like.
Shivani believes the only way to emotional independence is through building a beautiful relationship yourself, one of love and respect. When you have a deep love for yourself, the words and actions of others will not effect you and if they do, they won't effect you for long because you understand that you are responsible for how you will respond and ultimately feel.
When our self love and self respect is dependent on the words and actions of others, our life is an emotional rollercoaster. Our inner world is dependent on our outer world and it leaves us feeling depleted. Shivani says, "There is only one person that can disrespect you and that is you. Even if the whole world does not talk nicely to you but you talk nicely to yourself, you will always be happy. But on the other hand, the whole world can be saying the nicest things to you and if you're not speaking nicely to yourself, you can never be happy."
So it's not about what people say to us, it's about what we say to ourselves after we hear what people say. You only need one person to love you, you only need one person to respect you and that person is you.
Shivani goes onto say, "When someone throws their energy at us, we can do three things with that energy. We can absorb the energy, reflect the energy or transform the energy. In every interaction, you have to ask yourself, are you absorbing, reflecting or transforming energy? People who transform energy are radiating love to the world but those absorbing and reflecting energy are only adding pain to the pain.
A challenge for the next week:
Are you an energy transformer, reflector or absorber?
Take note of how you feel and respond to people who do or say something that you don't like. Are you emotionally independent of what's happening around you or are you completely dependent on your outer world being in order before your inner world can be in order?
Last question, how much love and respect do you have for you?!
Love, Kay - Vixen & Fox Founder & Creative Director

More stories


Whether you are looking to revamp what you already know with a few subtle changes or you’re ready to take things to the next level with a trendy re...


  Gone are the days when we would conceal our delicates under oversized t-shirts and dresses, now it has become a fashion trend to style our linger...